LexingtonMommy.com | 803-586-4821 | info@lexingtonmommy.com | Copyright 2010 | All rights reserved
| From Kati's Corner |
Sign-up for our awesome e-Newsletter and be one of the first moms in Lexington
to find out about local news, family friendly events, and more!
to find out about local news, family friendly events, and more!
| The premier web resource for moms in Lexington, SC! |
It's not gossip! Or is it?
We all know it's not cool to gossip and yet if we are being honest, we'll all admit
we do it anyways. I think it's just human nature to spread news. How much
shorter would conversations with your girlfriends be if you ONLY talked about
what YOU were doing? I can hear some protesting now. "I don't talk about
anyone else's business! That's just wrong." Well, yes and no.
I have several kids - biological and step, boys and girls, from toddler to teen.
One thing that has been a staple of all my mom years is talking with friends and
other moms about what my kids are doing, what their kids are doing, swapping
stories and asking for advice. Now that my oldest is into her teen years, we've
hit an interesting point. The first part being that she gets in to some
"interesting" situations. The second part being that she is not a happy camper
that I have talked to other people about these situations. She has not straight
said that I am gossiping about her, but the underlying glare is there. I did teach
her that gossiping is bad, right?
Think about it ... As a mom, when you find yourself not 100% sure what to do,
you ask someone or several people. We all want to make sure we are handling
things the best way possible. We need not only information and advice but also
support and an occasional hug to keep our Mommy Spines strong and vertical.
In discussing these situations with our friends, sisters, etc, are we gossiping
about our children's lives? And where is the line?
I try to explain it to my child like this: Not only are you going through this
situation as a teen/student/friend/daughter/sister/whatever, I am going through
this situation as your mom and I need help and support too. That answer
doesn't always fly, but it's the best I've got.
As I was thinking about this, I also thought about marriages. As we try to help
our husband through something or as we are going through a situation as a
wife, is talking to our friends about it gossiping? Would you be comfortable with
your husband really knowing what and how much you tell your confidants?
And other friends. Say Friend A is having a hard time dealing with a child, a
divorce, work, etc and you are trying to help them through it, are you gossiping
by telling Friend B (for argument's sake, we'll say B and A don't know each
other) the situation and asking if Friend B has any ideas on how you can help
Friend A?
I do not have golden answers. You have to take into account who you are
talking to and who you are talking about and what the price is. Personally, when
I am super stressed out about something, I have a tendency to verbally vomit
my problem all over a friend. Luckily, my friends love me and understand this.
They are also very good at being discrete and know I would be more than
willing to help and play therapist for them whenever needed. There is a definite
benefit to thinking out loud and seeking advice from others. Where would we be
if it were only up to our one view? And why do you think we pay therapists such
big bucks?
Would you really want your child to tell their friends or even other family
members everything you have ever said and done? Would you be okay with
Friend A knowing you asked Friend B for advice? Would your husband die if he
knew you told Friend C anything? I am a huge supporter of having support,
good friends, helpful advice and sounding boards. In the end, I think you have
to find the balance between seeking support and help and respecting the
privacy of your family, even your children.
Kati
We all know it's not cool to gossip and yet if we are being honest, we'll all admit
we do it anyways. I think it's just human nature to spread news. How much
shorter would conversations with your girlfriends be if you ONLY talked about
what YOU were doing? I can hear some protesting now. "I don't talk about
anyone else's business! That's just wrong." Well, yes and no.
I have several kids - biological and step, boys and girls, from toddler to teen.
One thing that has been a staple of all my mom years is talking with friends and
other moms about what my kids are doing, what their kids are doing, swapping
stories and asking for advice. Now that my oldest is into her teen years, we've
hit an interesting point. The first part being that she gets in to some
"interesting" situations. The second part being that she is not a happy camper
that I have talked to other people about these situations. She has not straight
said that I am gossiping about her, but the underlying glare is there. I did teach
her that gossiping is bad, right?
Think about it ... As a mom, when you find yourself not 100% sure what to do,
you ask someone or several people. We all want to make sure we are handling
things the best way possible. We need not only information and advice but also
support and an occasional hug to keep our Mommy Spines strong and vertical.
In discussing these situations with our friends, sisters, etc, are we gossiping
about our children's lives? And where is the line?
I try to explain it to my child like this: Not only are you going through this
situation as a teen/student/friend/daughter/sister/whatever, I am going through
this situation as your mom and I need help and support too. That answer
doesn't always fly, but it's the best I've got.
As I was thinking about this, I also thought about marriages. As we try to help
our husband through something or as we are going through a situation as a
wife, is talking to our friends about it gossiping? Would you be comfortable with
your husband really knowing what and how much you tell your confidants?
And other friends. Say Friend A is having a hard time dealing with a child, a
divorce, work, etc and you are trying to help them through it, are you gossiping
by telling Friend B (for argument's sake, we'll say B and A don't know each
other) the situation and asking if Friend B has any ideas on how you can help
Friend A?
I do not have golden answers. You have to take into account who you are
talking to and who you are talking about and what the price is. Personally, when
I am super stressed out about something, I have a tendency to verbally vomit
my problem all over a friend. Luckily, my friends love me and understand this.
They are also very good at being discrete and know I would be more than
willing to help and play therapist for them whenever needed. There is a definite
benefit to thinking out loud and seeking advice from others. Where would we be
if it were only up to our one view? And why do you think we pay therapists such
big bucks?
Would you really want your child to tell their friends or even other family
members everything you have ever said and done? Would you be okay with
Friend A knowing you asked Friend B for advice? Would your husband die if he
knew you told Friend C anything? I am a huge supporter of having support,
good friends, helpful advice and sounding boards. In the end, I think you have
to find the balance between seeking support and help and respecting the
privacy of your family, even your children.
Kati
| Creations & Inspirations by One Unique Little Girl! Click now to see amazing duct tape purses & hair accessories. |
